Screw it
by Titanic-fanatic
Summary: The Doctor decides to put himself first.... Journey's end sort of parody. Well, sort of. A little bit of humor and a few alterations to that beautiful episode : Enjoy x


**Screw it.**

"Go on say it" she stated bluntly, almost hopefully as she stared directly into my eyes. It was as if she was searching my soul for the words she had longed to hear. It hurt so much that I couldn't tell her there and then as it would ruin what I was trying to do for her. It hurt even more that, as easily as a breath can leave my lips, I could say those three words right at that very instant. She looked so beautiful, her blonde locks floating in the skipping Norwegian wind that surrounded us. Her hazel eyes were burning with turmoil and faith in _me_. It was killing me. Killing me to know that I would have to lose her faith and trust in my humanity so that she could have this closure. So that she could have what she would want ultimately, the thing that I could never give her.

Okay, perhaps it was cruel of me to bring Rose back to this god forsaken beach in 'back and beyond' as Jackie had so…poetically… put it but I did have her in mind. I mean she associates this beach with the 'worst day of her life' as she had just said. Wouldn't it make the past memory a lot easier if it were to be replaced with a new one? A better one? A happier one?

It wasn't going to be pleasant. I knew it deep down. It was going to strike a final blow to my hearts and shatter then into a million pieces, not to mention what was going to happen after I'd left. I'm not sure how she is going to take this at all. Hopefully, if all goes to plan then she will be happy. That's all I want for her…to be happy. I knew she'd protest if I disclosed my intentions and would state that she was only happy with me and only would be happy with me. I am going to give her the next best thing because if she does stay with me…I'm not going to go there. All it would end in is another parting of ways, another journey to end…another song to finish. I would have to say goodbye again. I'd out live her, and she would never have that stability that she deserves. The stability that _he _can give her.

A cold flush of wind embraced my face, aiding it to remain as expressionless as possible yet, at the same time, causing me to be brought to the present order at hand.

"I said Rose Tyler" I replied, catching the words with a gulp and a dry throat. My hearts sped up, beating irregularly and passionately. This was becoming painful. I want to tell you. 'I WANT TO LET YOU KNOW THAT I…' my mind bleated.

"Yeah an' how was that sentence gonna end?" Rose persisted, breaking my thoughts off instantaneously. My mind detached itself from its sudden reel of emotion and gave a soft sigh. It would never work. I cannot lead her on. No matter how much this instinct inside tells me she is _the _one. I can't. I just can't.

"Does it need saying?" I plead, loosing all control of my mouth. This was going to be the worst mistake of my life and I knew it, as did my human counterpart…who gave me a taken back look. Something set me on edge by the glint in his eyes. He was trying to tell me something as his pupils darted to Rose and then back at me. My gaze drifted solemnly to Rose, who glared in disbelief. I could see her soul being torn to shreds in her warm chocolate eyes, tears forming in their almond shapes.

"And you Doctor? What was the end of that sentence?" she asked, diverting her shaken self to the man opposite me.

I can't watch. I refuse to watch. I have to let it happen though. I have to let her realise it is essentially me. I have to balance out the universe. Oh what the hell am I saying? You know what. Screw it.

With that the true Doctor grabbed Rose by the waist and pulled her into a passionate kiss, his lips meshed with hers in a wild moment of spontaneous emotional expression. Rose obviously did not protest, her arms snaking around his neck as his stroked her affectionately. Running out of air was the only reason for their lips parting.

"Wha-" was all that escaped Rose's heated lips as she dropped her hands to grasp the Doctor's lapels.

The Doctor cleared his throat, a wide grin spreading form cheek to cheek. With that he cupped Rose's chin and brought his lips close to her right ear.

"I love you" he whispered tenderly, his other hand smoothing around the curvature of her waist. Rose brought her head back, to stare into the Doctor's warm hazel eyes. She was lost already.

Suddenly there was a crackle of what sounded like thunder as the human Doctor de-materialised before them, with a smile, being absorbed back into the Tardis.

"Does somebody want to tell me what the bleedin' hell is going on?!" Jackie blurted out, her face confused at the events she had just witnessed "One minute it was so long farewell and then it was like a scene out of flipping _Cassanova_…" The Doctor blushed a ruby red, scratching the back of his neck as Rose giggled, bringing a few locks of blonde hair from her face "Then mark two decides to do a Houdini whilst me an Donna are left, on a beach in Norway, watching dumbo here confuse me!"

Donna smiled at Jackie, nodding as she saw Rose's face flush scarlet to pair with the Doctor's "Well basically…the paradox ended, sending the human Doctor back into the heart of the Tardis, seeing as all that regeneration energy had to go somewhere…unless it reformed that hand…" she explained, stopping herself from drifting into techno-babble.

Rose who wasn't really listening kept her eyes focused on the Doctor "You mean it?" she beamed.

"Forever" the Doctor smirked, capturing her lips once more in a romantic embrace.

"Thank the heavens he realised in time" Donna pondered happily, gesturing to Jackie for a cuppa in the Tardis. The two crept quietly into the time machine, leaving the pair in their utter bliss. Embracing each other with another earth-shattering kiss, together at last.


End file.
